I sometimes wish I had a place here not just a social place but a physical place. Somewhere to go in the times like now where Im scared confused sad angry hurt stressed etc somewhere where I could just sit and be on my own and really on my own not just on my own in a house full of people. Sometimes I just wish I could have that . . .

Tommorow is going to be a good day Im not sure that it will be but I really want to believe that, I wish I could hate it here Tanya is leaving at the end of this semester and that saddens me alot. I wish I could hate it here enough to just leave . . . But I know Id feel like I was missing something.

I know you didnt bring me out here to drown
So why am I 10 feet under and upside down ?
Barely surviving has become my purpose
Because Im so used to living under the surface
If I could just see you everything would be alright
If I could see you this darkness would turn to light
Lifehouse~Storm

This song was playing while I was typing and I had to put in those lyrics they are just so true right now . . .
I wish I more less melancholy sometimes Im actually happy . . . Maybe Ill make a note to write in here during those times.

Costume dillema solved . . . I will be going as daisy duke for both I will just be toning it down a touch for SASF sweet ? very much so.

My hair is disagreing with me right now it wants to fall flat and I want some waviness.

There are 2 parties at the same time this is interesting.

Last night I had 2 hours of sleep or less . . . Actually in the past 20 hours Ive had just under 2 hours . . . in the past 36 hours Ive had 4 hours. Im starting to worry myself. I Heart my mommy
the end

Current Time~6 40
Time my alarm is going to go off~8 00

Help me Jesus

Halloween is much more ocmplicated then I ever thought could be possible, You see I have 2 halloween partys on Saturday one with SASF and the other here at the house which would be fine easy enough to just jump from one to the other right ? Wrong you see for the SASF party I need an SASF appropriate costume and for the house party I need a rez appropriate costume and the change will have to be quick . . . The decision ?

Rez is Daisy Duke no doubt easy enough short jean shorts and a tightish top hair down minimal make up and boots oh and kippy belt 5 minutes to toss together . . .

SASF`. . . This is the toughy there is a contest . . . I was thinking something quick and easy like myself or a camp counsellor lol shirts sneakers and a whistle but I want to win so I might go 80's . . . My work out capris a mini skirt over them and a baggy teeshirt witht he colar cut out and a tank top underneath with 80s make up and hair relativly easy and the hair works for both however Id have to wash off and redo my make up for daisy *Sigh* I have no idea . . .

Im very sad about the lack of commets on my blog . . . I ask again if you read leave a comment once in a while so I see a use to actually keep posting.

I found out this week that I won another scholarship for 1000 dollars this makes me smile because Im pretty ok now fo rmy first yrs tuition. It makes next year alot easier and seeing as housing is INSANE even in rez it just makes things simpler. I also have an interview at coles books tommorow I reall yneed a job so that it self is a blessing (Prayers please)

I should get some sleep Im gonna drag my pretty lil bum out of bed tommorow for a yoga class at 7.30 AM . . . go me

"Our goal on campus is to provide a customer-driven approach with a harmonious balance in the equality of service and innovative food solutions that inspires and delights students, staff, faculty and guests at Memorial University."
Food services

Tell me how my dinner is suposed to inspire me ?

Step one, you say we need to talk.
He walks, you say sit down it's just a talk.
He smiles politely back at you,
You stare politely right on through.
Some sort of window to your right.
As he goes left and you stay right.
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came.
How to save a life~~The Fray

Wow

humming
all the way to Reno
you’ve dusted the non believers
and challenged the laws of chance
now, sweet
you were so sugar sweet
you may as well have had “kick me”
fastened on your sleeve

All the way to reno~REM


I feel as if I should have something really deep to say . . . ButI dont. I never really do except in bio class when I asked how the poly U experiments could exist without a start codon my prof said she didnt know and asked a microbiologist a few days later she explained it. . . I never really understood the profs answer I think I was kinna zoned out. I seem to be that alot lately.

Does someone want to give me a fully functional brain? Mine seems to just be overloaded with random though processes and very litlle ability to actually absorb information.

Maybe Im a little more eccentric then I thought . . . I dont know that I want to be eccentric I should change that about myself. Then again its possibly just a delayed reaction side effect of living with Fil all summer. Look what you have done to me.

Im actually listening to hellogoodbye mostly cuz I heard a song on the OC and now Im pretty much hooked I wish I had downloaded shimy hsimmy quarter turn last year then I would have introduced myself to this ear magic much sooner.

Is it normal to always have tears right behind your eyelids? this is actually starting to give me a headache.

I love that my blog has become home to the fil nav fight club its charming.

God is good and even when you dont think hes there he totally is and he totally has your back.

Ive been trying for days to DL the OC season finale so I can finally see it for myself but with no sucess.

Im going to MUNchouse tonigh to get 4 mozza stix . . . no more dining hall ripping me off because Im to silly to use all my meals.

Brewster is my fave I was so upset last night and then he took me to subway and made me smile which he does alot and then we came home we stopped at burtons pond and looked at the ducks because they were asleep and I had never seen sleeping ducks before . . . it was great.
C~Do you wanna go back ?
B~Its up to you its kinna cold
C~Mmmk lets go
B~Its up to you if you want Ill stay out here all night and look at ducks with you
This was at 3 30 AM.


I wish I could be consistantly happy . . .

Today in field house I saw a boy wearing a black shirt . . . A black shirt with a cool logo on the back . . . A freak lunchbox logo !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was the same shirt as Nav and Fils except in black and of course this made me smile.

I qute enjoyed todays chem lab even though it was titrations is was suprisingly logical which made me happy however it took for ever because I kept dropping zeros in my calculations BOO URNS.

I do not know what Im doing tonight movie with julie or bens ?
MUNchouse is open tonight mmmmm field trip

Well it seems there might be some things I would miss if i were to no longer be a science geek such as my bip lab even though it goes from 7-10 onWedensday I want to try and explain it.

My lab group is a great mix with 3 girls and 3 boys all of whom are not interested inbio and would rather not be in the lab because of this we dont talk about the lab that much and divvy up all the work so we can get out faster. There are always some interesting things that come up like during our bacteria lab we decided we wanted to order pizza so on our last lab our bench is ordering pizza . . . it shall be grand however today saw some more interetsing quotes such as . . .

"Dont flash your DNA at me you sadistic creep"

"Im like a pyromaniac with sharp objects whats that called ?"

"She got so excited if you had been a guy she wouldv ripped your pants off!!!"

"Can you move the thingger so I can see the other thingger?"

"I think he just atomized the algae"

Oh boy . . .

Math is dropped and even though I feel as if my self esteem is lsightly lowered by having had to drop a ocurse my first semester in university the rest of me says that this was most definatly for the best. The bad news ? I now need to rethink my degree choice because I cant do a Ba Sci without calc, Meh I never liked sciences any way.

Ive recently realized that people irritate me . . . most people make me want to become a hermit because I just cant stand them, And when working on important stuf I much perfer to do it alone Id rather be held accountable for what I do and my mistakes and succeses as opposed to other people. Id rather work with people in a team setting where we all have diffrent tasks I guess why camp was so appealing well I had people who were doing the same thing so I had support we all had our own "tasks".

Im not anti pople Im actually a people person when I do love people I love them very much they just need to be the right people.

Im very much missing camp right now I dont quite know why but I am. I wanna lay on the hill (head lower then body for a better angle) And watch the moon over the lake . . . That right now would be fantabulous. I am also having this strange nagging inside me to go on a swing set I want to find one so that I can do that (geeez what kind of university doesnt have a swing set ???)

I also want cheescake . . . real cheescake. I could list off the foods I am craving but that would take to long.

Im kinna irritated that its 2 am and once again I cant sleep, This sucks mostly because Im so bored!!!!!

Snippets of a convo between me and my academic advisor

C~I want. . . Need to drop math, Can I do that ?
MM~Do you need it for your degree ?
C~As far as I know . . . no but I wanted to make sure
MM~Well I really dont know what to tell you then

Im gonna stare at my celing . . . I think pretty soon Im gonna get glow in the dark stars to put over my bed that would make me happy.

Ever since our room flooded there has been this WEIRD smell Weve cleaned and mopped but the smell remains.

This ones for you

Sooooooooooooo . . .

I dont pretend that everythings perfect and in fact lately things have been far from it but something interesting happened tonight (remember its allready 6.45 here and not 3.15)

I was walking back from the science building and happy because I had just talked to my academic advisor and I am dropping math (yay no more calc yay for "artsy math") While I was walking back to rez there was this AMAZING pink sunset and it seemed to just light up EVERYTHING. And for about 20 seconds I just realized that everything will be allright . . .

Of course that will change and I wont always think that, But Ill take what I can get.

Dining hall sucked especially bad tonight BOO URNS on Oktoberfest theme night.

Time for psych

This is dedicated to Fil.


Last night a pipe on our floor busrt coincidentally the pipe was between mine and beckys and mike and devins room . . . meaning our room was floating. I thought I left flooding when I came here.

This morning I woke up at 9.23 (I had class at 10 and planned on just getting ready quick) however for some reason 23 struck me as 53 and i ran around liek an idiot until I finally looked at a clock and realized my error . . . Im kinna interesting like that.

Im listening to better together by jack johnson. Well actually it just switched over to banana pancakes, And now of course I want banana panccakes.

My foot is still sore and swollen however it just started on Friday Brad thinks I should see a doctor any other oppinions ?

I should go to class now boo urns on chem.

being not sick would be nice
so would having some clue of what I want to dow ith the rest of my life . . .

It seems that a Ba Sci Is just not for me psych is for me sciences are kind of for me . . . pre calc is not for me and calc next semester will not be for me so Im looking at changing my plan ? Psych minor english minor and then education . . . Because I love my english class and then I cna use english as my teachable subject and take psych still and then because Ill have by B ed I can still work with kids . . . However it kinna means that this semester will have included alot of stress fo rnothing, But Im dropping math and that is good! Originally I felt like I was giving up but then I realized that its not for me and Im not paying loads of money to take a course that Im going to fail.

I agree with what nav wrote in her blog I aswell have always looked up to people in university and now that Im here it seems very surreal . . . Ive also always admired my camp counselors and saw them as these amazing grown up people and after doing that all summer I also feel very grown up in someways but in other ways I just feel like Im faking it.

Rez is ok it has its ups and downs however its better now because Im starting to find a niche even after the very unsavoury events over thanksgiving (which shall not be mentioned in here) The week has gone relativly well. Friday me and Julie went shopping with the purpose of getting halloween stuff and me dropping off resumes I dropped off resumes . . . I almost didnt geta winter coat but then I saw one I loved in winners for 70$ comapred to 160$ which it was in sears so I bought it . . . This is an idea of the conversation that transpired

J~Ohhhhh look !!! its pretty and purple and its columbia !!!! for only 70$ YOU NEED TO GET IT
C~Yah its ok . . .
J~Its perfect!!
C~Umm its not pink
J~You have enough pink you need to start experimenting with other colors
C~But I wanted a pink winter coat !
J~The purple will look good with your dark hair
C~Pink
J~Your getting it


Ummmmm my name wasnt flamingo for nothing !!!!!!!!! However I did end up getting the coat and its ok its actually great its just not pink however I still love it.

We also bought books which was good because I got to use my irewards card and she bought some headbands at claires where we realized that I am not a headband type but I bought some 5$ sale stuff at garage which was good I like sales . . . Then we went to the food court and ate whichw as good and picked up seans dinner (hise and paucy smackers anyone ???) Of course when we got back to campus the first thing Sean asked was "So did you get halloween stuff?" Of course not!

That story had very little purpose but I thought it was funny.

Im gonna end this now

How can I love it here so much ? I owuldnt trade it for the world . . .

Even though I want to cry.

PS Coming home for Xmas!!!!!!!!!!!

Here's the day you hoped would never come
Don’t feed me violence, just run with me
Through rows of speeding cars
The paper cuts, the cheating lovers
The coffee’s never strong enough
I know you think it’s more than just bad luck

There, there, baby
It’s just text book stuff
It’s in the ABC of growing up
Now, now, darlin’
Oh don’t lose your head
'Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you, yeah

Sleeping pills, no sleeping dogs lie never
Far enough away
Glistening in the cold sweat of guilt
I’ve watched you slowly winding down for years
You can’t keep on like this
Now is as bad of time as any

There, there, babyIt’s just text book stuff
It’s in the ABC of growing up
Now, now, darlin’
Oh don’t kill yourself
'Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you, yeah

It’s okay by me
It’s okay by me
It’s okay by me
It was a long time ago
It’s okay by me
It’s okay by me
It’s okay by me
It was a long time ago

There, there, babyIt’s just text book stuff
It’s in the ABC of growing up
Now, now, darlin’
Oh don’t lose your head
'Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you, yeah

There, there, baby
It’s just text book stuff
It’s in the ABC of growing up
Now, now, darlin’
Oh, don’t kill yourself
'Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you, yeah

Midterms are allmost done !!!! Whootawhoot! Well All my in class ones are however I still need to do my lab mid terms in chem and bio, Speaking of chem labs I recieved my first A on my chem lab so I expect lots of applause.

This week has been insane in good and bad ways . . . I wouldnt say I enjoyed it all but I wouldnt have traded it for anything I dont think. Im very excited for the long weekend though were doing thanksgiving dinner on Monday and Im excited for REAL vegetables . . . mmmmmmmm

I recieved a comment that in my blog I "sound bipolar" This made me laugh and then I realized how true it really was. To clear things up I guess everything is just normal I mean good and bad things happen here just like they do everywhere else the only thing is that my blog sees all of the good and bad as it happens. Maybe that only makes sense to my sleep deprived mind.

I should go before this entry starts to be all rambling random like . . .


"Well the question is did you leave when you needed the change ? and was that the change you needed ?"

I have the strong urge to just lay in bed with my door locked and my head phones on. Just lay there with possibly some sort of food and milk (real milk) and my teddy bears and my bedding (obviously) . . . And NO rooster noises in the background (I just had to add that in there because I just heard one from down the hall)

Math is evil and should be outlawed . . . English classes should inexplicably overtake my entire course scheduale.

My foot is hurting quite a bit today and I do not enjoy that at all. Im in diree need of sleep I know that my body is not liking me at all right now. since falling asleep saturday night (Sunday morning) Ive had MAYBE 24 hours of sleep and close to 17 of those hours were spread out between 2 days. If that makes any sense at all . . .

Im really excited that this is thanksgiving weekend.

I keep trying to think of somethign interesting to write about however Im having very little luck doing that, Does someone want to give me an interesting life so that I dont feel bad about boreing people to deathw ith my non interesting one?

I have decided that post it notes are a necesity for dorm life . . . White board markers dry up but its so easy to write a note on a post it note and just stick it up on a door or something Ive done that twice already today . . . I also love to put little notes to myself on them and stick the all over the walls near my desk . . . Or write things on them like what room number my lsb is in . . . then I can just stick it on my clipboard and no one is wiser. Yes post it notes are indeed a grand invention!

I dont want to go to math class at all . . . Even though its not for another hour I still do not want to go. Nor do I want to go to my bio lab tonight . . . I hate labs there sooooooo friggin long and having them at night is just not fair. I kinna wanna take a nap RIGHT NOW THIS INSTANT so that I can stay aake through my bio lab . . . yes I should go do that.

I love tuesdays I truly do . . . I love that I only have 1 class and its not until 5 and I love that its only a 50 minute class.

I feel really far away from God right now . . . I know hes THERE somewhere I just wish I could feel him HERE. And its strange because things are actually going pretty ok right now. I really dont know I guess I just think somethings missing but maybe its more me then God.

I think Im goona go eat lunch . . .

I want to visit the galapogos islands
I want to trek through the amazon
I want to spend a week in a treehouse in the canopy of a rainforest
I want to go scuba diving
I want to visit australia
I want to go to antarctica and just stand on the edge of the world and just be and just experiance it and evrything else for that matter

Its currently7.54 AM I have showered gone for a power walk and studied . . . I have not slept. This can not be a good thing.

Bio+psych tests today

he said i didnt need therapy . . . i think some others would care to disagree

She said you look like Belle in that yellow coat of yours and I thought to myself how true that I would be a disney princess in a raincoat. As if the raincoat cheapens the princessness or does it make it into more ? Because I am a disney princess who can go out in the rain ?

I was talking to Jefferkins while I was studying and I was in a bio enduced haze we were talking about his trip to thiland and me in Newfoundland and we talked about it all and I said some stuff about me that I had never really said to anyone before not even myself I guess. And afterwords I came back and re read over the convo and I realized how true it was, how now after eating and distancing myself from bio I cant believe I said that yet at the same time it seems truer then true.

I am very fascinatedright now by a teeny tiny freckle on the inside of my right ankle . . .