my summer tan is fading . . . my campfluenza is staying.

And I'm sitting here in my shoe box room listening to pedro the lion and kelly clarkson and feeling like my own contradiction.

" I don't have a past
I just have a chance,"

Its 5.30 am . . . My flight leaves in 7 hours. Im not packed actually I havnt even finished laundry yet, oh well itll get done I hope . .. right? prolly.

I woke up with a runny/stuffy nose that seems to have multiple personality disorder and a sore throat that seems to have anger issues. It seems my body recognizes camp as a time to be sick. Bugger.

My "goodbye party" was last night, It made me cry a lil, As much as I'm excited for the kids Ill get to meet this summer I hate leaving home I really do and Christmas seems like a long way off. Its weird to think that I'm growing up Nanton doesn't quite feel like home because I lived out of 2 suitcases while I was here and my room and life seem kind of empty. St Johns isn't quite home because Ive lived there less then a year and it doesn't have as many memories or it does but there not those shared through years memories. Scotian Glen isn't home because Ive never been there before . . . Am I homeless?? Or do I simply have to many homes ?

Ive kind of made a promise of myself to read 1 gossip girl novel each week it will be my extreme guilty pleasure way of staying sane. so far I have the first 2 to start with and Ill get another 2 the first time I'm at chapters. I'm excited :D

I need to pack a cowboy hat . . . It matches all my westerny clothes cuz I'm cool like that.

Everyone (FIL) should join facebook so they can look at all my new pretty pictures :)

I should stop procrastinating and start packing.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo <3

My room is a mess, Theres two suitcases that look like they exploded it makes me kind of sad to know that in a few days I'm gonna be packing again. Ive spent the last 2 months counting down the days to get out of this town and now here I am and I wanna stay, Funny thing is that I don't quite know why. Maybe its that when I'm here I know where I am and where I'm going and its all so safe or maybe its because when I'm here other people know who I am. Theres a sense of security that comes from having someone else there to tell you who you are when you forget. Its funny though because I know I couldn't handle being here for much longer and I know that the reasons that I want to stay here are the exact reasons why I need to leave.

I love getting there . . . but I hate going.